Funny Frugality
Frugality makes sense in these times, but it can go too far.
The funny ways to save money that follow are thus not meant to
be serious - at least I don;t mean them that way. But I'm not
sure about the intentions of the blogs, websites and the minds
of twisted scrooges where I got these ideas. Let me be clear:
these are for entertainment purposes only.
Ways to Save Money
Request extra religious tracts from the next zealots to knock
on your door. Then replace half of each restaurant tip with one
of these gifts. Your annual savings based on eating out four
times monthly and an average normal tip of four dollars (replaced
by $2 and that nice little booklet): $96
Stop by to visit your neighbors while they're working in their
gardens. Continue to compliment them on the great job they've
done with the garden until they finally offer you some free vegetables
or fruit. Do this with several neighbors in order to spread out
these foraging trips and limit them to one or two per month for
each one. Your estimated annual savings on vegetables: $106.
Visit the lost-and-found departments at businesses, governmental
buildings and other places. Look through the items and say, "There
it is!" whenever you come upon something you need. For the
most savings with this strategy you have to focus on taking things
that you would have otherwise bought. Skip the fancy umbrellas
you never would have paid for anyhow. Avoid day planners, books
and other things that might have the name of the owner written
in them. Your savings depend on your acting ability and the number
of places you can check.
All fast food restaurants offer you packets of ketchup, mustard
and other condiments for free. Teach your kids to take seven
or eight extra packets before you leave. Just stop buying condiments
for the house altogether, and have them take extra napkins too.
Your potential savings each year: $120
Go ahead and pee in the shower every day while you are there.
It goes down the drain in any case. With a three gallon flush
for the toilet replaced each time, you'll save 1,000 gallons
of water annually - unless you skip your daily showers to save
even more money see next tip). You'll have to multiply that by
the per-gallon charge from your local water company or municipality
to determine the annual savings you'll get.
Take the downspout off your gutter so you can shower under
the resulting stream of falling water when it rains hard enough.
A once monthly outdoor shower that saves you ten gallons of hot
water like this can save you at least thirty cents every year.
Carefully cut open lotion and shampoo containers to get the
last 20% that Consumer's Reports says is normally thrown away
by people. Your potential savings? $1.17 per hour of effort at
least.
Want more funny frugality? Train your dog to beg neighbors
for scraps to save on dog food. Stop by your friends' houses
right around dinner time to get fed for free. Make calls during
lunch and leave a message so the other person has to return the
call and use his paid minutes. Soap up your car just before a
thunderstorm and let the rain rinse it to save on car washes.
Finally, see the page Funny
Ways to Save Money for more funny frugality.
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